Yeah, I'm updating an old journal (I do this a lot, don't I?) because I realized my other one had like 2 posts on it + I wasn't friends with everyone I knew on LJ. So really, it was a bad decision.

I saw that Maka had made a list of good and bad things that had happened to her this year, and I thought I would make a similar list. I felt as though it might explain a little bit why I was absent basically 98% of this year. I don't mean to be a stranger...I guess posting on LJ forces me to explain things, and there's a lot of things that happened to me this year that I don't want to explain. I guess you can take it for what it is. These aren't in any particular order.

Bad News First:

1. My dog Roxanne died.
2. Mom was passed over for a crucial promotion due to an outside hire.
3. My parents separated.
4. Dad moved out.
5. Dad dropped a washer-dryer tower on me (remember this? lol)
6. Dad and I fought a lot.
7. Dad threatened to kill himself. This was probably the worst day of my life.
8. I found my dad's suicide note.
9. To make matters worse, in the suicide note my dad named my little brother and my mom as the "light of his life." (Someone is missing from this equation).
10. I gained weight.
11. Infatuations went unsatisfied.
12. I ended up at my 4th-to-last choice school.
13. I didn't get into any of the schools I actually wanted to go to.
14. Most of my friends forgot that I was going through a really rough period of my life.
15. I suffered from a lack of supportive infrastructure in my social life.
16. I spent a summer trying to fix my family. It didn't work.
17. I've gone to a college where we are 60% Greek (as in frats and sororities). Bad choice!

Good News, Good News:

1. I found a place in my college were I fit, almost perfectly.
2. I won a statewide competition for writing and received a $3000 scholarship.
3. I have completed my first semester of college with a 3.45 GPA.
4. My college's drama department produced a short play I had written as part of an arts festival.
5. I have found friends that, if I was ever to go through the above again, would help and support me.
6. I got two new dogs--Diego and Cookie (read: the loves of my life! lmao).
7. I watched a lot of good Doctor Who (although I haven't finished season 4....shhhhh....)
8. I've realized what my family means to me.
9. I moved in with my dad for a month this summer and it was really beneficial.
10. I graduated high school. THANK YOU JESUS.

Some New Year's Resolutions:

1. Stop disappearing :)
2. Become a vegetarian!

I realize that's a lot more bad than good, but hey. 2008 was pretty shitty for me. Here's to a better 2009.



meme-age? god, it's been awhile.








hahahaha....lol. i love you all. let's have a good 2009.

http://la_vie_comme_jc.livejournal.com

maybe i'll actually update this one.

Today,

I won $1500, because I won the Carmel Arts Council Literary Scholarship,

I was named a state finalist for Project eXcel in Writing (possible scholarships include $3000, $2000, $1000),

I declared I was running for president in government class,

we got an offer on our ramshackle house so we can move out of it into a nice condominium,

and I was waitlisted at Smith.


((Waitlisting, I think, is positive. Anything that's not "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM OUR SCHOOL" is positive. :) ))



Whenever I have an awful day, I want to look at this note to say,

hey,

I too can have spectacular days.




P.S. I can't say it enough -- congrats, Maka. :) I wish you all the happiness in the world.

my father basically dropped a dual washer-dryer on top of me today.

we were trying to get it out of his truck--it's one of those washer-on-top-of-the-dryer contraptions that weighs like 500 pounds. we got it on the tailgate and my dad was like, "ok, all the weight's gonna fall on you so put your shoulder into it. you have to bear hug it and keep the angle straight"

so he pulled it, and it dropped, and it smashed into me and popped me out from under it and against the truck. the washer/dryer fell out of the car and on to the cement. thud. thud.

father: NOW IT'S RUINED GREAT JUST GREAT WELL WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR GET UP SO WE CAN GET IT OFF THE CONCRETE COME ON OK NOW PUSH PUSH PUSH DAMMIT, PUSH IT MOVE I'LL JUST DO IT GET BACK IN THE CAR

sometimes he makes me wish i was dead.



EDIT:

so, we went over to his new place to move the dryer into his house. me, my mom, my little brother and he. after wards, my little brother told him how i'd been telling my mom about what happened. a huge fight ensued. my father said i was wrong. that he was the one who got hurt. i told him to stop caring about his big material items so much and start caring about me. he said that wasn't true. he said he asked me 5 times if i was ok.  i said, you asked twice in the car when it was obvious something was wrong. after you were done screaming.

he said i was wrong. i told him we were at a standstill because he wouldn't listen to me.

so he said go home. and walked away.

i told him to have fun in his new little house.












i fucking hate myself and my life.

http://community.livejournal.com/speshul_peeps

^_____^ Go there! It's an LJ rp based slightly off X-Men or Heroes called Blacklisted. Basically, it revolves around the premise of high school students discovering they have powers and trying to hide them from their families, friends and those who might want them for EVIL. :D

But what we're trying to do is make it more even, and more fun. It's an AU NATURALE RP, which means we can't do any planning in YIM....no "A and B are totally gonna go talk and fall in love!" None of that. Also, if you join, you can/must create a boy and  a girl with powers. That's it. No more and no less. You can make all the villains/friends/family that you want but as for main protagonists that's all you get.

Comment with any questions/interest, and go check it out! DO EEET.

let's not try to deny it. really. it doesn't take much to click a bookmarked link. we'll just say it. i'm a complete fuck. i'm a complete fuck.
i'll just make a list of everything that happened to me in the last two months while i was off being a fuck.

1. i got a new dog.
2. a boy rejected me.
3. my friends stopped caring that my parents were divorcing.
4. my little brother learned my parents were divorcing.
5. my little brother and i started talking a whole lot more.
6. my father stopped talking to me.
7. my father threatened me in the car when i stood up to him and told him i didn't believe my mom was bipolar
8. that's when he really stopped talking to me.
9. i had to deal with not having a dad again.
10. my mom talked some shit into my dad about how he was treating me..
    
11. my dad started talking to me again.
12. i was in a play.
13. my extended family came to see me in a play for the first time in 4 years.
14. i cried after they left because i was so happy.
15. i watched project runway.
16. i wrote, acted in and helped produce a ten minute film.
17. i read some really tight books.
18. i didn't write a single poem.
19. my parents told me that if i don't start taking my meds and get my driver's license, i'm going to community college :(
20. i was nervous about college. alot. still am! haahaha.
    
21. every night i send my little college prayers up to god.
22. and little prayers about my family too.
23. even though i sort of don't believe in god. guess i do after all.
24. all my extended family found out about the divorce.
25. they're not surprised, (HAHA fucking HA)
26. my best friend and i haven't walked to school together for two months because she's dumped me for a group of much more attractive indian girls (sad but true)
27. anxiously awaited doctor who. oh so anxiously.
28. worked at the library.
29. spent 23-4983-498-09832483-098 hours in front of the mirror wishing i looked thinner (sadder but truer)
30. sent in some scholarship stuff.
31. bought a hello kitty alarm clock on ebay. :D
32. stopped drinking soda. started drinking coffee, tea & juice. (holee trinitee)
33. cried at night in bed like an emo kid twice
34. cried in a bathroom stall like an emo kid once
35. worried.
36. worried.
37. worried.
38. was tired. was nervous. was sad.
39. was weirded out by my parents.
40. was concerned for my little brother.
41. developed neck twitch.
42. wished to get out of fucking house four times.
43. regretted wish four times
44. my dad was supposed to move out of my house yesterday.
45. he didn't.

I appreciate all the words about my dog and stuff, guys. My internet still is having problems letting me reply to comments. But thanks for being there. It means a shitload to me . :)

And my dog was awesome. She was deaf, clumsy, and didn't understand how to play fetch. She was the most gentle, benevolent soul I ever met. If you rubbed her belly or gave her some food, she loved you unconditionally---even if you happened  to be a serial murderer or a child molester. That was just the way she rolled. We had to make her wear sweaters and diapers the last two months of her life and she hated them, which I regret. But I also like to think that she had a good last two weeks of her life, because of Christmas and New Year's, where she got to eat a lot of good food and snuggle in a lot of warm blankets with a lot of people that loved her.

She would be 14 years old in February, which is kind of insane. We got her when I was four. She ate rocks when she was a puppy, an early indicator of her personality. My mother had trouble clipping her toenails because she was scared of the clipper; as a result, as she walked around on the hardwood floors in any house it made the sound of a dog wearing tap shoes.She died in this sweater she had to wear because it was so cold---it said "Cold Paws--Warm Heart."

The sounds she made this morning as she struggled to breathe were the scariest noises I have ever heard. The silence I hear now, as my family is gone, and I am truly alone in my house for the first time in 13 years, is deafening.
I miss her. Rest in peace. 

My internet won't let me reply to or post comments on anyone's LJs! AHHHHHHH! so if i haven't commented on a post, or replied to a comment, it's  not because i'm ungrateful, it's because i can't :(

in other notes,

happyyyyyyyyyyy neeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww yearssss everybodyyyyyyy!

p.s.
only 3 episodes of robin hood left to go ! :)

I have FIIIVE episodes of Robin Hood season 2 downloading and my brother and I are watching "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends" and I'm eating peas and listening to goooood music. So ha ha ha,.

I was thinking about what happened yesterday, and I kind of came to the conclusion that what my dad was doing was a misguided attempt to open up to me. Because our relationship has so recently become a healthy, good connection, I think it would be natural for him to try to keep this course of...security going. Of course, I think that some of the things he said to me were inappropriate, and I won't dwell on them. I have an appointment with my therapist on January 2nd (haha, I sound so yuppie) and...yeah. Have a good new year, everybodieeeeeee.